Do I Drink Too Much?

So I know it's been a little while since my last post, but quite honestly, that's because not a whole lot has really been going on my life lately. Just working, excercising, not smoking, ya know, being a Mothafuckin ROCKSTAR?!

But today's topic, i've had on my mind for awhile now, I just haven't really been sure on how to prevent it. I am not really even still sure I have it but, who the hell cares, it's my blog and I guess I have to stand by my opinions right?

Today's topic is... Alcohol.

Mmm... Look at All That Booze!

I love alcohol. I love to drink it excessively and get drunk and do stupid shit. I like to say that I have a drinking "hobby" not problem. But with all this trying to keep my body healthy nonsense, i've quickly learned how bad and terrible alcohol is for you and have a completely different relationship with it. I now hate it. I want it so bad but I cannot have it. It will undo everything i've been working in the span of a few hours. It's terrible. If I drink, i'm just going to have to work it off in the gym and to be honest, I just BARELY am on speaking terms with the gym. I like to get in, go hard, and get out...heh heh. I don't want to spend EXTRA time in there just because I decided to drink.

I've also started thinking, that maybe... I might slightly have a little bit of a drinking problem. I mean I don't physically crave alcohol, I don't think about it really all that much, but I really DO enjoy drinking and it's come to the point where I can't NOT drink if I go out on the town because it's just become engrained in me so much. After work you have a beer, after dinner you have a glass of wine, on the weekends you drink until you can't see any more and then you repeat. I thought maybe I was being ridiculous and overly dramatic (Who MOI?!) but then I started googling shit, which is a terrible idea because you start convincing yourself of EVERYTHING...but I mean here is what I found:

The CDC classifies "heavy drinking" by having more than two drinks per day.. Seriously. they do.

They also classify Binge Drinking as a pattern of alcohol consumption that brings the blood alcohol concentration (BAC) level to 0.08%  or more. This pattern of drinking usually corresponds to 5 or more drinks on a single occasion for ment or 4 or more drinks on a single occasion for women, generally within about 2 to 3 hours.

Then I got to the part about Alcohol Abuse:

Alcohol Abuse is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one’s health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work. Manifestations of alcohol abuse include the following:

    * Failure to fulfill major responsibilities at work, school, or home.
    * Drinking in dangerous situations, such as drinking while driving or operating machinery.
    * Legal problems related to alcohol, such as being arrested for drinking while driving or for physically hurting someone while drunk.
    * Continued drinking despite ongoing relationship problems that are caused or worsened by drinking.
    * Long-term alcohol abuse can turn into alcohol dependence.
Some of you, this may not apply...to others however, maybe this is a little eye opening. Or you are sitting there telling yourself that it really doesn't apply to you, but if I know a LOT of my friends in Chico, we are ALL pretty much guilty of at least a LITTLE alcohol abuse. I know I am. And DEFINITELY on the binge drinking.

That's right... I drank the WHOLE thing.

Now it wasn't until I moved back to Chico in '08 that I really picked up on the drinking pretty heavily. I mean, in Nevada I definitely could get wasted and pretty hardcore, but those times were few and far between. It just wasn't really part of the culture of Carson City. People just pretty much worked, and the ones that didn't just sat in their basements doing Crystal Meth. But in Chico, unfortunately, a LARGE part of the culture is the downtown area/bar scene.

Coming from a place where it snowed in the Winter and sometimes in June to a place that was Sunny a lot of time, had a LARGE student population and for some reason a LOT more free time, I was like a moth to a flame. It was exciting to live in a town where there were so many young people and so many things geared TOWARDS younger people. I had a pretty decent schedule going on for awhile:

MONDAY: Beareoke @ The Bear
TUESDAY: 90's Night @ LaSalles
WEDNESDAY: Gay Night @ Panamas
THURSDAY: Reggae Night @ Panamas
FRIDAY: 80's Night @ LaSalles
SATURDAY: EVERYWHERE
SUNDAY: Champagne Brunch and Getting Shit Faced @Random Friend's House

I mean I only ever did EVERY single one of those nights maybe two or three times, but I mean I was going out 3-4 times a week, which if you ask anybody in Chico...is pretty normal. Every other friend I have on Facebook that lives in a different state is like "What the Hell! How Are You Still Alive?!"

And I have to say for awhile now, i've been in that trap. Going out is what to do in this town, and drinking is what to do when you go out. Now I know some of you will say that you can go out and have fun and NOT drink, but I would like to meet the person that REALLY has an awesome time being sober around a BAR full of drunk people and give them a medal. It's NOWHERE near as fun. Every single person is on a different level than you are. You are at a 5... at a 7 at the most and they are at LEAST at a 10 or 11. It's a different energy, and it's a hard energy to follow unless you are drunk yourself. And quite honestly if faced with the option of NOT being allowed to drink and going to a bar with my friends and STAYING home... I would most definitely stay home.

Now, I find myself faced with a problem. Because at 25, being drunk every weekend just isn't a good look anymore...it kind of makes me feel like a loser, like I should be doing something important or more worthwhile, justify it however you want people, but it's not a good look. That is something else i've noticed about living in such a party town. Everyone here has what I like to call "Peter Pan" syndrome. Nobody really has to grow up in Chico if they don't want to. You can stay unmarried, unemployed, renting with roommates and drunk well into your 50s and nobody really seems to care. If somebody doesn't like the way you live your life, well there is a BEVVY of incoming freshman coming in the next year and ONE of them will be naive enough to put up with it. Chico seems to be in a perpetual state of Arrested Development. But I guess I can't really judge or live anyone's life for them, I can only go for myself..and I don't know I guess at 25 I thought I might be a little farther along in life...which I kind of attribute to my priorities...which have been drinking. Funny thing is, if I had better priorities and gotten my shit together, I could spend MORE time drinking, but that kind of logic is counterproductive.

"Grow UP? But it's Power Hour at Riley's!"

I think of a lot of things I probably missed out on because I am drunk, and the one thing seems to be real relationships. I didn't drink in highschool..I didn't do anything I really wasn't supposed to, besides smoke cigarettes occassionally to try and look cool, but I felt like a lot of my friendships were more authentic. We got to know each other based solely on the amount of time we decided to spend with each other. We would go to the movies, sit around and watch marathons of our favorite tv shows, just sit and TALK and gossip about the goings on in our lives. I felt real connection. I have real friends in my life, don't get me wrong, but I often wonder how much closer we could be if we both put down the bottle and had a conversation instead, or stayed in and watched movies or something?

And i'm faced with being a total shut in. Because I am not going on some unrealistic I'm never drinking again crusade because it's unrealistic and I DO like to drink, but where do I draw the line? How do I not become a hypocrite? I want to go out and get my drink on, but I would really like to urge my friends to do things other than drink. I want potluck dinners, I want movie nights, I want I don't know...frickin' trips to the park...and my friends are adults, I can't STOP anyone from drinking if they don't want to, and nor do I PLAN on doing that. I guess I am just yearning for something authentic these days.

I was at a bar twice this week and I had fun, but there was something in the back of my head going "Why Am I Here?" and the answer really only was "Because Everyone Else Is." It wasn't because I really wanted to go, it was because all my friends were there and if I wasn't there, or didn't want to go, I would be drinking a glass of wine and watching "P.S. I Love You" on my couch alone. I feel like I have to participate or I won't ever frickin' see anybody, and that kind of sucks. And I also don't want to be faced with drinking all the time, because EVERYBODY wants to have a good time, and I know alcohol definitely helps me do that...It comes down to if ya can't beat them, join them? And it just kind of sucks.

Yeah, I look so sexually attractive there, right? Photo credit to my friend, Jon Timko.

Not to mention... Alcohol is SO fucking bad for you, all around. I've been doing all this eating right and exercising only to have it be destroyed by a few drinks in the night. Even if I eat right and exercise the way I have been doing and STILL drink as much, I still would put myself at a much higher risk of diabetes. By having a blog on the internet, in which I post the link on my facebook, it gives you a pretty high ass level of accountability. People are coming up to me and telling me how proud they are of me, they are telling me I look good, they won't let me smoke if I wanted to... They support being healthy and taking initiative...yet none of them say anything when they see a drink in my hand, and maybe it's because I haven't talked about not wanting to drink, but I actually honestly think that people maybe have the same misconception that I have, that if it's liquid it almost doesn't count, that or they just don't care and want to get shitfaced. (Unfortunately, I am blessed/cursed with skinny beautiful friends who can and will degrade their bodies in ways I didn't think imaginable and still look fantastic.) I don't know... in this town it becomes one of the only pasttimes and I don't think people realize how much TIME it consumes or how excluded one can feel if they DON'T drink.

OMG! This is So AWESOME! We're like FUCKING GODS!!!

Looks like it's me an reruns of Designing Women tonight!

I just want better for myself... and I want better for my friends, and I want to get to know my friends better, that's all I am really saying.. I just feel at a crossroads right now as to how to do so. Who knew making a decision to take care of myself would bring up and tailspin so many other different areas of my life. I want to have fun and enjoy alcohol just as much as everyone, but I don't know how much is too much, where I draw the line, how not to be a hypocrite about it, and really just how to deal with the whole thing. How can one moderate when they excessively drink? What a question that is haha.

That all being said, tonight I probably WILL drink. It's a Friend of Mine's Birthday, and I want to celebrate and have a good time, and then tomorrow at a probable champagne brunch  I will probably forget all I have typed and give in...but at least at THIS moment in time, i'm aware, and I want to find a HEALTHY balance. That's all for now.

Peace. Love. Dorothy.