Hey Sistah, Soul Sistah

Okay, so February has been a lot slower with posts than January, and mostly it's been because I am just incredibly frickin' busy. I've been working a lot, i've done some traveling, etc. and haven't had a whole lot of time to just sit and write, but today. That changes.

So...today's topic. Have you ever thought you identify with a culture that you aren't necessarily a part of? I know for me personally, I am about as WHITE as they come. My family is English with a little bit of French thrown in there...not enough to have people hate me instantly, but enough to keep people guessing. I don't really consider my family to have a whole lot of... "culture" persay. We didn't have any big cultural customs growing up, we didn't really go to church, I was just Whitey McWhiterson, Party of One.

Yeah, I'm eating Wonder Bread. What Of It?

There is however, a group of people that I find myself completely enthralled with, those of Black Women. I say black women because I find the term African American to be Moronic. If somebody is black and they were born in the United Kingdom, what the hell are we supposed to call them? African English? No. That's stupid. African American is a term white people made up to make ammends for that terrible "N" word they were using when they shouldn't have been. So to me, I don't find it offensive to just say a person is Black. To me, it's no different than somebody calling me White. It doesn't offend me, and I don't think it offends many black people, either. Now back on to the topic.

I have always been 100% sure that in many past lives that I was a Black Woman, or at the very least, my spirit is very much a black woman, and some people think that I am absolutely ape shit crazy or UBER gay (oh man do people still USE the term Uber?) to say that, and to them I say fuck you, so I thought I would write a little blog and delve in deeper as to the reasons that I am completely in love with chocolate hued ladies.

Ebony...Ivory..Living in Perfect Harmony.

1. There is just something dramatic and beautiful about a Black Woman. From a young age i've found black women extremely attractive and quite honestly I think it's because when you see them, what you don't know is that their entire look is a damn production. They take the time to make sure that hair is RIGHT, the nails are FIERCE and the outfit is outrageous. They are some of the most "fabulous" women I have ever seen. There is a pride in appearance, and almost a NECESSITY in the community. I just know if somebody is spending five hours in the salon chair, two at the manicurist and an hour and a half in their bedroom choosing an outfit, i'm going to be wearing a belt and a nice button up for that bitch, ya know what I mean? Also, unfortunately black women, this will make crazy drunk white girls treat you like a pony in the club (Can I touch your hair? Where did you get that dress? You are SOOOOOO true, Girlfriend) and that drives you nuts and I will never NEVER do that to you, I swear. Okay maybe once.

Oh, Justin Beiber, you ignant fool.

2. What really makes black women shine to me is the attitude. Anybody can look pretty (well, mostly anybody) but when they open their mouth, it all falls flat. I know there is a stereotype people have about black women being LOUD and full of attitude and a lot of people put a negative connotation on that. Not me...you know why? Because I myself am LOUD and full of attitude. People call it ghetto and I say shut the hell up and get yo' LIFE! .Com

You are SO Lucky I found the Lord!

There is a PERSONALITY there. If you piss a black woman off, she is MORE than going to let you know, she is going to call her sisters and THEY will let you know TOO. We are too used to these quiet blonde girls just giggling, or this Emily Post idea of propriety and you know while I think there is a LITTLE something to say about that, I have to admire somebody who has an opinion and who isn't afraid to say that opinion WHEREVER they are. You easily intimidate people, you gorgeous women and I LOVE that. And PERSONALLY? I happen to think that most black women I know are MORE articulate and well spoken than a lot of my white girl friends. When a black women speaks you listen, even if she is reciting the alphabet. There is a strength in that voice, there is a clarity, a vibrato, a BOOM that makes people listen. I'm reminded of this:

3. There is an energy about black women that you don't find in other subsets. While at a gay club in Sacramento a few weeks ago, I stumbled onto what I found out was... The Hip Hop Room. (I thought segregation was over, but I digress). Have you ever been somewhere new and instantly felt at home? Because that was me. 30 minutes into the Hip Hop Room I was surrounded by black ladies somewhat making fun of my dance moves, slapping me on the ass and laughing. FULLY enjoying themselves. They know how to have fun. I don't know, all I am saying is when I hang out with a group of my white girlfriends it mostly becomes about how they can't believe their Ex is texting them, 800 trips to the bathroom, touching up makeup, sloppy mess drunk, and about five total minutes of dancing because their shoes hurt. Also girls, PLEASE don't take your damn heels off in the club...TACKY! I find the spirit of a black woman to be beautiful, and I know that whenever I hang out with a Sistah of mine, I am GARAUNTEED to have a good time. They truly live IN the moment, they are the women rappers write songs about (getting off work, paying they own bills, dancing in the club, don't need no man) They live that 24/7 and it is definitely admirable.

Now... Don't get it twisted. I know some of you might read this and think I am actually being quite racist, or that I don't enjoy white women, and that's all bullshit because I do. I think too much in our society we get bogged down with this political correctness, this need to keep everybody happy and it just works. There are a few black women I know who are BORING AS HELL. There are a few white girls I know who are SUPASTARS on the dance floor, always jovial and fun, but my HEART has always gravitated to Black Women. When I see a Black Woman carry herself so well, mindy, body, attitude, I want to get to know her. I want to be her friend, I want to do something horribly stereotypical with her, like braid her hair, or call Tyrone, but that's just me. They are a group of people that I see a lot of myself in with the way they carry themselves, their thoughts, their attitudes and their words, and this love affair is not going to go away ANYTIME soon.

Normally I end with a Peace.Love.Dorothy... but today I think you know what's coming...

Peace.Love & Soul. Soul Food.

Hate is a Four Letter Word

You know, I've noticed the tone of my blog the last few posts has gotten a little bit more serious, and today is no exception. I guess with all the time I spend talking about myself on here, it might be time to talk about somebody else, and an issue far more serious.


The Gay Community where I live is very small... So small that we have in fact that we all know each other...so small that we all know about each others bowel movements. Seriously. It's a small community, but for the most part, it's a great community. There is a bigger sense of family then in communities I've lived in the past. We may fight, we may make bitchy "Real Housewives" like comments to each other, but at the end of the day, most of us realize that we are "family" no matter how dysfunctional.

For those of you who don't know, the town I live in is Chico, California. It's a town about an hour and fifteen minutes outside of Sacramento, and has quite the reputation. Chico is home to California State University, Chico, and was once listed as one of the top party schools in the country by Playboy Magazine, a mantle that some citizens have worn with pride for the last 25 years, and others have tried desperately to change. That being said, if you read my last blog, you know that there IS an incredible amount of drinking and partying that goes on in this town due to the extremely young and agile student population every year. You would think Chico, CA to be an extremely liberal town, and for the most part it is, but when you mix alcohol, naivety and that good old youthful James Dean "Rebel Without a Cause" attitude, you get problems.


There is no official gay bar in Chico. Every bar that has been officially designated as "Gay" in Chico has failed miserably, but there are certain bars in town that understand, realize and accept that fact that Gay people in this town want to get their party on too, they want to meet and get to know other gay people in the community, and they will go just to about any bar that will cater to them. Panama's in Chico is one of the more popular destination and has adopted an "unofficial" gay night every Wednesday that has surged in popularity over the last few years. It's necessarily advertised or marketed to gay people, but every gay person in town knows that if you wanted to meet gay people outside of something like Grindr or Adam4Adam in Chico (what do Lesbians use? Eve4Eve?) you go to Panama's on Wednesday, a mantle I think the bar should wear with pride. The other bar that caters to and understands the Gay community in Chico is relatively new. It's called the "Maltese" and every Friday Night they hold a "Gay" Night with drink specials and the like, and I want to SAY to the owner of the Maltese that have a "Gay" Night on a Weekend Night in this town is REALLY big, and I absolutely commend and respect her for that. The atmosphere of the bar isn't 100% gay, but it's always very friendly, very much so like a Gay version of "Cheers". 


On some of these Friday Nights, there are Drag Shows, an art that seems to be slowly dying in Chico, but still seem to garner a good amount of success and bring a crowd. One of these shows happened to be on February 4th, 2012. That night, my friend Brian Denham was the victim of a hate crime.

It was a completely ordinary Friday Night at the Maltese and if anything I will say it was actually rather busy. I had came with my boyfriend to support our fellow drag queen and good friend, Miss Mini Merna. The show seemed to go off without a hitch. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, and just really enjoying themselves. I remember running into and saying hello to Brian and if there is one thing that I DO want known about Brian, at least in my opinion is that Brian is an absolute joy to talk to. He is kind, he is warmhearted and just a jovial person. He is the kind of guy you want around you because he is uplifting. I'm not going to canonize him, because everyone has both good and bad points, but from everything I've ever seen of Brian, he is a decent and fun, lighthearted person, the last kind of person you would think would end up with his head cracked open on a street corner downtown.


I left early that night. I had to work in the morning, and remember like I said, i'm trying not to be all Courtney Love all the time anymore, so I went home, laid my head on my pillow and went to sleep. The next morning was beautiful and when I went on Facebook, I had learned something terrible at happened. At first nobody was saying anything about who it was, just some very cryptic status updates about a friend getting beat up downtown and that they were at the hospital. Later on that day, the details went through the rumor mill, and the very small gay community of Chico had gotten the details. 


According to accounts, Brian and a few friends had walked further downtown to stop at a Jack in the Box to get some food in their stomachs after a great night. Two of his friends were still in Drag attire from the show. As they stood in line, a group of guys entered the Jack in the Box and began making derogatory slurs about race (one of the friends was African American) and sexual orientation. Now I don't know about you, but having been faced with similar situations before, when your safety is in question, you do what everyone does when being bullied. You try to ignore it. After some back and forth exchange, the group of guys left the line without ordering food and said something about "waiting outside" for Brian and his friends, and sure enough when Brian and his friends were done eating, the guys were outside, waiting for them.


The taunting continued, and when Brian made remarks back, he was allegedly sucker punched in the head. Brian chased after the man but apparently fell to the street after some time, landing face first on the pavement, it was at that point that one of the other "suspects" caught up with Brian, and allegedly stepped on his neck, essentially scraping his head against the pavement. Brian was taken to our local hospital and stayed in the Hospital overnight, he required seven stitches in his head and an orbital injury to one eye, which left no permanent damage...but that doesn't show you how he felt, or what his friends looked at when they dragged his body out of the street. It looked like THIS: 

 

Terrible. What's even more terrible is the handling of the assault by the media and seeming division amongst the gay community about whether or not this is technically classified as a hate crime. I'm including a link to the news article for people to read in here because I think it's important.


Chico ER - Attack May Not Be A Hate Crime


I think it's important to note that this article does not state that Brian was with two others who happened to be in drag, and make it a point to reiterate the fact that he sustained no PERMANENT damage. 


Police Chief Mike Maloney goes on to say this:


"This may have stemmed from a hate incident, but that doesn't necessarily make it a hate crime," Maloney said, adding that a crime appears to have been committed, but, depending on the seriousness of the injuries, may only be chargeable as misdemeanor battery."

So, does one have to have the word  "FAGGOT" etched in his face to classify it a hate crime? If there is only light bruising it's NOT a hate crime? Me? I personally believe that this is a Hate Crime. I don't know the full details but when I search for the actual legal definition of a Hate Crime, I found this site, which seems to say it very clearly.


Legal Definition of a Hate Crime


Some in the Gay community think that this is not a hate crime... that it might have been motivated or brought on the comments and actions of Brian and his friends, and you know what? Maybe that's true, maybe Brian and his friends DID agitate things with their words, but I have to wonder, would this situation ever have arrived if Brian and his friends were women? If Brian and his friends were straight and none of them were in Drag garb to begin with?  Would this have even started if Brian had been by himself? I don't think so. Even if alcohol was a factor in the situation. Brian and his friends were TARGETED because of the way he and his friends appeared, which was GAY.  That's it. The fact that a large part of the gay community opposes this, somewhat enrages me. 

It's a victim mentality, the rape spiral. Society tells us it's our fault, if we would have just "acted" normal this wouldn't have happened. We deserved it. If Brian would have just kept his mouth shut none of this would have ever happened. It's his fault, and to them I say, this is a very unfortunate example of how when we as a COMMUNITY need to come together, we choose to DIVIDE ourselves on the issue. BRIAN DENHAM took a stand...FOR YOU. He made a choice that said, I am not going to let somebody insult the very fiber of my being, I am going to say something, to stand up for my friends, he was UNKNOWINGLY PROTECTING YOUR RIGHTS FOR YOU, in a society where we tend to want to reap the benefits of the hard work of OTHERS.

I think so many times as a community we isolate ourselves within, especially in the gay community of Chico. The lesbians rarely hang out with the gay men, there are certain social groups within social groups within social groups that unwittingly tear each other down simply for not being a part of the group, but what we are forgetting here is that a member of our FAMILY was hurt and BEATEN and the reason is something we, in the gay community all share. Our sexuality. Lucky be the ones who are never taunted. Lucky be the ones that never get flack for being who they are. But the people, who are BOLD enough to wear Drag in public, for our ENTERTAINMENT, the people who fly their flag high and proud and are able to deal with the backlash they receive, it's THOSE we should be thanking. It's people like BRIAN we SHOULD be supporting, not speculating...

Is it going to take something like this happening to YOU to change your mind?  Are you going to have to get your FACE ground into the street to get you to realize that there are people out there that make stupid decisions. Decisions to hate, to not understand? We can NO LONGER be divided as a community if we expect to get ANYTHING accomplished in Chico that promotes equality for ALL peoples. It is times like this when we need to take a STAND, to show people that THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. NOT IN OUR TOWN. We need to BE the change we wish to see. WE need to ACT.


I wrote this in order to raise AWARENESS. PLEASE link to it, PLEASE retweet it, PLEASE comment on it, PLEASE get it out there. PLEASE, do something.
 

Do I Drink Too Much?

So I know it's been a little while since my last post, but quite honestly, that's because not a whole lot has really been going on my life lately. Just working, excercising, not smoking, ya know, being a Mothafuckin ROCKSTAR?!

But today's topic, i've had on my mind for awhile now, I just haven't really been sure on how to prevent it. I am not really even still sure I have it but, who the hell cares, it's my blog and I guess I have to stand by my opinions right?

Today's topic is... Alcohol.

Mmm... Look at All That Booze!

I love alcohol. I love to drink it excessively and get drunk and do stupid shit. I like to say that I have a drinking "hobby" not problem. But with all this trying to keep my body healthy nonsense, i've quickly learned how bad and terrible alcohol is for you and have a completely different relationship with it. I now hate it. I want it so bad but I cannot have it. It will undo everything i've been working in the span of a few hours. It's terrible. If I drink, i'm just going to have to work it off in the gym and to be honest, I just BARELY am on speaking terms with the gym. I like to get in, go hard, and get out...heh heh. I don't want to spend EXTRA time in there just because I decided to drink.

I've also started thinking, that maybe... I might slightly have a little bit of a drinking problem. I mean I don't physically crave alcohol, I don't think about it really all that much, but I really DO enjoy drinking and it's come to the point where I can't NOT drink if I go out on the town because it's just become engrained in me so much. After work you have a beer, after dinner you have a glass of wine, on the weekends you drink until you can't see any more and then you repeat. I thought maybe I was being ridiculous and overly dramatic (Who MOI?!) but then I started googling shit, which is a terrible idea because you start convincing yourself of EVERYTHING...but I mean here is what I found:

The CDC classifies "heavy drinking" by having more than two drinks per day.. Seriously. they do.

They also classify Binge Drinking as a pattern of alcohol consumption that brings the blood alcohol concentration (BAC) level to 0.08%  or more. This pattern of drinking usually corresponds to 5 or more drinks on a single occasion for ment or 4 or more drinks on a single occasion for women, generally within about 2 to 3 hours.

Then I got to the part about Alcohol Abuse:

Alcohol Abuse is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one’s health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work. Manifestations of alcohol abuse include the following:

    * Failure to fulfill major responsibilities at work, school, or home.
    * Drinking in dangerous situations, such as drinking while driving or operating machinery.
    * Legal problems related to alcohol, such as being arrested for drinking while driving or for physically hurting someone while drunk.
    * Continued drinking despite ongoing relationship problems that are caused or worsened by drinking.
    * Long-term alcohol abuse can turn into alcohol dependence.
Some of you, this may not apply...to others however, maybe this is a little eye opening. Or you are sitting there telling yourself that it really doesn't apply to you, but if I know a LOT of my friends in Chico, we are ALL pretty much guilty of at least a LITTLE alcohol abuse. I know I am. And DEFINITELY on the binge drinking.

That's right... I drank the WHOLE thing.

Now it wasn't until I moved back to Chico in '08 that I really picked up on the drinking pretty heavily. I mean, in Nevada I definitely could get wasted and pretty hardcore, but those times were few and far between. It just wasn't really part of the culture of Carson City. People just pretty much worked, and the ones that didn't just sat in their basements doing Crystal Meth. But in Chico, unfortunately, a LARGE part of the culture is the downtown area/bar scene.

Coming from a place where it snowed in the Winter and sometimes in June to a place that was Sunny a lot of time, had a LARGE student population and for some reason a LOT more free time, I was like a moth to a flame. It was exciting to live in a town where there were so many young people and so many things geared TOWARDS younger people. I had a pretty decent schedule going on for awhile:

MONDAY: Beareoke @ The Bear
TUESDAY: 90's Night @ LaSalles
WEDNESDAY: Gay Night @ Panamas
THURSDAY: Reggae Night @ Panamas
FRIDAY: 80's Night @ LaSalles
SATURDAY: EVERYWHERE
SUNDAY: Champagne Brunch and Getting Shit Faced @Random Friend's House

I mean I only ever did EVERY single one of those nights maybe two or three times, but I mean I was going out 3-4 times a week, which if you ask anybody in Chico...is pretty normal. Every other friend I have on Facebook that lives in a different state is like "What the Hell! How Are You Still Alive?!"

And I have to say for awhile now, i've been in that trap. Going out is what to do in this town, and drinking is what to do when you go out. Now I know some of you will say that you can go out and have fun and NOT drink, but I would like to meet the person that REALLY has an awesome time being sober around a BAR full of drunk people and give them a medal. It's NOWHERE near as fun. Every single person is on a different level than you are. You are at a 5... at a 7 at the most and they are at LEAST at a 10 or 11. It's a different energy, and it's a hard energy to follow unless you are drunk yourself. And quite honestly if faced with the option of NOT being allowed to drink and going to a bar with my friends and STAYING home... I would most definitely stay home.

Now, I find myself faced with a problem. Because at 25, being drunk every weekend just isn't a good look anymore...it kind of makes me feel like a loser, like I should be doing something important or more worthwhile, justify it however you want people, but it's not a good look. That is something else i've noticed about living in such a party town. Everyone here has what I like to call "Peter Pan" syndrome. Nobody really has to grow up in Chico if they don't want to. You can stay unmarried, unemployed, renting with roommates and drunk well into your 50s and nobody really seems to care. If somebody doesn't like the way you live your life, well there is a BEVVY of incoming freshman coming in the next year and ONE of them will be naive enough to put up with it. Chico seems to be in a perpetual state of Arrested Development. But I guess I can't really judge or live anyone's life for them, I can only go for myself..and I don't know I guess at 25 I thought I might be a little farther along in life...which I kind of attribute to my priorities...which have been drinking. Funny thing is, if I had better priorities and gotten my shit together, I could spend MORE time drinking, but that kind of logic is counterproductive.

"Grow UP? But it's Power Hour at Riley's!"

I think of a lot of things I probably missed out on because I am drunk, and the one thing seems to be real relationships. I didn't drink in highschool..I didn't do anything I really wasn't supposed to, besides smoke cigarettes occassionally to try and look cool, but I felt like a lot of my friendships were more authentic. We got to know each other based solely on the amount of time we decided to spend with each other. We would go to the movies, sit around and watch marathons of our favorite tv shows, just sit and TALK and gossip about the goings on in our lives. I felt real connection. I have real friends in my life, don't get me wrong, but I often wonder how much closer we could be if we both put down the bottle and had a conversation instead, or stayed in and watched movies or something?

And i'm faced with being a total shut in. Because I am not going on some unrealistic I'm never drinking again crusade because it's unrealistic and I DO like to drink, but where do I draw the line? How do I not become a hypocrite? I want to go out and get my drink on, but I would really like to urge my friends to do things other than drink. I want potluck dinners, I want movie nights, I want I don't know...frickin' trips to the park...and my friends are adults, I can't STOP anyone from drinking if they don't want to, and nor do I PLAN on doing that. I guess I am just yearning for something authentic these days.

I was at a bar twice this week and I had fun, but there was something in the back of my head going "Why Am I Here?" and the answer really only was "Because Everyone Else Is." It wasn't because I really wanted to go, it was because all my friends were there and if I wasn't there, or didn't want to go, I would be drinking a glass of wine and watching "P.S. I Love You" on my couch alone. I feel like I have to participate or I won't ever frickin' see anybody, and that kind of sucks. And I also don't want to be faced with drinking all the time, because EVERYBODY wants to have a good time, and I know alcohol definitely helps me do that...It comes down to if ya can't beat them, join them? And it just kind of sucks.

Yeah, I look so sexually attractive there, right? Photo credit to my friend, Jon Timko.

Not to mention... Alcohol is SO fucking bad for you, all around. I've been doing all this eating right and exercising only to have it be destroyed by a few drinks in the night. Even if I eat right and exercise the way I have been doing and STILL drink as much, I still would put myself at a much higher risk of diabetes. By having a blog on the internet, in which I post the link on my facebook, it gives you a pretty high ass level of accountability. People are coming up to me and telling me how proud they are of me, they are telling me I look good, they won't let me smoke if I wanted to... They support being healthy and taking initiative...yet none of them say anything when they see a drink in my hand, and maybe it's because I haven't talked about not wanting to drink, but I actually honestly think that people maybe have the same misconception that I have, that if it's liquid it almost doesn't count, that or they just don't care and want to get shitfaced. (Unfortunately, I am blessed/cursed with skinny beautiful friends who can and will degrade their bodies in ways I didn't think imaginable and still look fantastic.) I don't know... in this town it becomes one of the only pasttimes and I don't think people realize how much TIME it consumes or how excluded one can feel if they DON'T drink.

OMG! This is So AWESOME! We're like FUCKING GODS!!!

Looks like it's me an reruns of Designing Women tonight!

I just want better for myself... and I want better for my friends, and I want to get to know my friends better, that's all I am really saying.. I just feel at a crossroads right now as to how to do so. Who knew making a decision to take care of myself would bring up and tailspin so many other different areas of my life. I want to have fun and enjoy alcohol just as much as everyone, but I don't know how much is too much, where I draw the line, how not to be a hypocrite about it, and really just how to deal with the whole thing. How can one moderate when they excessively drink? What a question that is haha.

That all being said, tonight I probably WILL drink. It's a Friend of Mine's Birthday, and I want to celebrate and have a good time, and then tomorrow at a probable champagne brunch  I will probably forget all I have typed and give in...but at least at THIS moment in time, i'm aware, and I want to find a HEALTHY balance. That's all for now.

Peace. Love. Dorothy.